AwesomeSauce's Xanga

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 07:03:08 GMT

i'm still alive. i think.

awesome sauce

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Thu, 06 May 2004 14:10:54 GMT

I don't want anyone to know that I stooped so low...

Alcohol and lonliness is a dangerous combination. I've seen it overwhelm quite a few people, tempting them into doing things that solicit regret. To all the ladies out there: you're ugly, and he's a jerk. Never hook up with a drunk guy.

You're Pretty Ugly, but There's No One Cute Around (click here to hook up!)

twelve beers and i'm wasted
i'm sitting by myself
this chick is so nasty
but there is no one else

get another pint
and i'll give you a shot
if i'm drunk enough
then i'll find you somewhat hot

oh girl, you're pretty ugly
but there's no one cute around
i don't care if we hook up
don't let anyone find out
please just keep your mouth closed
please just keep your mouth closed
i don't want anyone to know
that i stooped so low

tell me that you like me
and that you want romance
say that you want to date me
but you have got no chance

follow me around
for everything i do
like a puppy dog
you've got the face of one too

oh girl, you're pretty ugly
but there's no one cute around
i don't care if we hook up
don't let anyone find out
please just keep your mouth closed
please just keep your mouth closed
i don't want anyone to know
that i stooped so low

don't try to guilt me
into a relationship
when will you notice
i don't really give a shit
so open up your eyes and see
i'd rather run wild and free
'cos you're just too damn ugly

oh girl, you're pretty ugly
but there's no one cute around
i don't care if we hook up
don't let anyone find out
please just keep your mouth closed
please just keep your mouth closed
i don't want anyone to know
that i stooped so low

oh girl, you're pretty ugly
oh girl, you're pretty ugly
oh girl, you're pretty ugly
oh girl, you're one ugly b!tch

Saturday, February 14, 2004

Sat, 14 Feb 2004 04:07:51 GMT

No better way to spend Valentine's Day

Awesome Sauce is back!

i've been in the habit of referring to valentine's day as "thanksgiving" for a while now. if you have someone to spend the day with, you should be thankful. but... if you don't, then you should be even more thankful you don't have to deal with a significant other that drives you insane. so hold your girlfriend, boyfriend, or alcoholic beverage and remember you've got a lot to be thankful for.

this song goes out to all those unhappy on valentine's day.

Valentine's Day (click here to be thankful!)

moments of happiness
or so you think
but everything you do
pushes me to drink

so i tried to think of what i should do
for this occasion so special for you

there is no better way to spend valetine's day
than to let you know we'll go our separate ways

i think it's time
for us to put
this in the past

so now it's time
for me to dump
your big fat ass

it's over

be sure to check in again. there's a lot more Awesome Sauce to come!

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 09:33:27 GMT

Deep inside I know it's true

nearly every songwriter has written a song about it. it's an agonising event that brings out torturous emotions in us all. for me, it draped me with a blanket of the most tormenting pain i have experienced. so here's my testament to the painful life after a breakup. i call it forever blue.

... it's about my testicles

Forever Blue (click here to feel blue!)

girl since you left me i've been feeling so bad
it's the worst pain i think i ever had
i haven't got laid, 'cos i see you no more
let's try again, since we've done it before

how many times have we travelled this road
once more won't hurt, 'cos i'm about to explode

deep inside i know it's true
my balls will be forever blue
deep inside i am afraid
never again, will i get laid

c'mon baby, you know it ain't wrong
i haven't touched you in god knows how long
a burning passion, how i miss your kiss
it burns so bad, but it might be syphilis

so hurry up and get rid of the skirt
the longer we wait, girl, the more it hurts

deep inside i know it's true
my balls will be forever blue
deep inside i am afraid
never again, will i get laid

don't hell me how it hurts
how it hurts for you
you can't feel the pain
your testicles aren't blue

deep inside i know it's true
my balls will be forever blue
deep inside i am afraid
never again, will i get laid

Friday, September 19, 2003

Fri, 19 Sep 2003 05:31:19 GMT

I Need a Getaway...

everyone tells me that girls love it when a guy can write songs, especially if he also plays guitar. i wrote this song for a girl, and subsequently serenaded her. it didn't work well at all. i wonder why...

(oh, and i apologise in advance for the vocals and guitar playing.)

Getaway (click here to get away!)

come home from a long day
so tired of working so hard
i'll call you up to say
you're such a f@cking retard

unleash on you profanity
and you'll question my sanity

you say i, i need a getaway
but i really need to get away from you (it's true)
i don't know what to say
so frustrated and i owe it all to you (you're screwed)

i'll calm down for a bit
i don't want to scream and shout
you'll lay on more bullsh!t
and it's time to curse you out

unleash on you profanity
and you'll question my sanity

you say i, i need a getaway
but i really need to get away from you (it's true)
i don't know what to say
so frustrated and i owe it all to you (you're screwed)

i hear all day
your screams and your cries
take me away
from your words full of lies

i need a getaway
but i really need to get away from you (it's true)
i don't know what to say
so frustrated and i owe it all to you (screw you)

i need a getaway
but i really need to getaway from you (it's true)
i don't know what to say
so frustrated and i owe it all to you (i hate you)

i hate you.

it didn't land me in her good graces, but i did catch her humming the tune a few times.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Tue, 09 Sep 2003 01:23:52 GMT

The Story of Awesome Sauce

one fateful day, i was watching television, when out of nowhere a commercial appeared. a man accompanied only by an acoustic guitar began crooning an ode to the wingman. often playing the part of the wingman myself, i found the song very dear to my heart. it resonated within my body like a hymn intoned by god himself.

filled with inspiration, i stumbled across the room to my half-deteriorated acoustic guitar and pressed my clumsy fingers on the fretboard...

Awesome Sauce was born.

the resulting piece was an ode to alcohol. it was a 26 second song intended for a beer commercial, just like the wingman song. i played it for a few people, and (for the most part) the reaction was positive. i was asked by several of them to turn it into a full song, and upon their advice, i did.

it may not be featured in a beer commercial (although if you work in at a beer company and want to use it, feel free to contact me), but if you're feeling down and out you can grab a beer and sing along. so without further ado, here it is:

Alcohol (click here to taste!)

so you go to a bar
and wish on a star
that a chick will dig you

but you know the fact is
you're unattractive
and pretty boring too

chicks all around
they're guzzling drinks down

woah, thank god for alcohol
to help me through it all
woah, thank god for alcohol
or i'd never meet chicks at all

a chick's staring at you
so what do you do?
it's time to take a chance

she's pretty hot
although you're not
try to get in her pants

her beer goggles on
you just can't go wrong

woah, thank god for alcohol
to help me through it all
woah, thank god for alcohol
or i'd never get laid at all

as the night goes on
sobriety dawns
she lies next to you

the face of a chimp
makes you go limp
what the hell did you do?

down another ten
and she's smoking hot again

woah, thank god for alcohol
to help me through it all
woah, thank god for alcohol
or i'd never get laid at all

all songs copyright © 2003 by Awesome Sauce